You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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