The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
