we made out on top of his cat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
