yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
