How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
