I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
