Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
