I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
