I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There r osticjed everywhere
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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