I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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