We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
