i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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