turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize