wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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