I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
