i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
