Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
