Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is the high leading the old right now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize