I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
