apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
