I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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