From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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