my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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