actually, I'm a sock model
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
