ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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