i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
