Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
