I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
