He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
