i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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