you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
