Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
