I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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