I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
