I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize