his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
