He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
