I wish my penis had an off switch
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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