She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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