I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
