Say something about gay babies.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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