then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
