Got a toothbrush?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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