Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
