I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
