I wish I could punch you in the face.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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