Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
