Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
