Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize