this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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