There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
