Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
