Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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