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That's how twitter works, right?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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