using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize