He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
