I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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