It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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