Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
