My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
