gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
40s are totally the cure
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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