You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
