What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize