he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize