I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
