Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
