Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
