dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
