Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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