OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
