My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
