Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
