hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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