so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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