thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
