I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
