Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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