I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
