who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
