He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
