So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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