we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
