HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
