Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
