but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
