dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
