cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
