Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
