I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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