i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
