remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize