a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You took a bar mat shot.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
