I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
