do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
