If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need to align my fucking chakras
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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