I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
