so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
