hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
