Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
