i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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