I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
