he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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