So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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