I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
