i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
