I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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